Punishment, Pain, & Reward

All week long I have been suffering by not being allowed to touch myself. It was a punishment that my wonderful Mistress sentenced me to over the weekend...a week of chastity. And after spending Monday night with her and getting VERY aroused, it has been VERY hard, no pun intended.

Couple this with her clamp training she is using on me. I have three pairs of nipple clamps that my owners have always used. I have a mild plastic pair, that give a mild sensation nothing more. Then there is a medium pain pair called butterfly clamps. They get your attention but you can take them. Where they start to hurt is when they are applied to already sensitive nipples. Then there are the harsh clamps, also known as endurance clamps or alligator teeth clips. They are almost intorlerable and even have a warning on the package that they arent to be worn for long periods of time at a single time. They have always been used as attitude adjusters and/or punishment clamps for the most part. However, my Mistress has used them much more liberally, making me wear them for five minutes almost daily. They hurt and cause me a great deal of pain, but they also have been extremely effective....EXTREMELY. They cause me to think of my Mistress non stop 24/7. And while i hate the pain, I love the humbling effect they have on me. I constantly feel that she owns my body, which she does.

Well, in addition to my 5 minutes of clamping with the harsh ones, she also had me wear the mediums for when I went out to dinner. I cannot tell you how that feels. For starters, the nipples are already so sensitive that the butterfly clamps hurt much worse than usual. But you have to appear as if you are in no pain at all, because you are in a public restaurant. Then mix in the fact that there are beautiful women all over the restauarant walking around in sexy flip flops. That is a lot for a footslave like me to take. Especially when you are being constantly humbled by your owner who is far away yet right there with you at the whole time. I took the pain with pride, proud to suffer for my owner. I love her so very much, more than I have ever loved anyone.

Then when i got home from dinner and she allowed me to unclamp, i collapsed to the ground and fell to my knees literally. I am SO her property and happy to be so. She then informed me that she was ending my punishment and told me to masturbate. I asked if it was something she was ordering or allowing, because if she was just allowing it, I wanted to show her that she was more important to me than getting my much anticipated sexual release. I wanted to finish my punishment. She told me it was an order, so instantly I jacked off and wow...that is all i can say is wow...

I love you Mistress....So very much. I would do anything for you, I am your property to do with as you please.

Misunderstanding With My Owner

Above is a picture of the beautiful tattoo my Mistress got last weekend. Here is the story behind it...

Last week I had the first ever misunderstanding with my owner. While neither of us meant to hurt the other person, there were some hurt feelings. And since I am the slave and not the free one in the relationship, I am the one who is currently being punished. As it should be...

Last week, I was on the road all week. It is always hard to be away from my Mistress, but one good thing is that we can talk as much as we wish. In one of our conversations, she mentioned that she wanted to get her hair done and wanted me to be there. I had never even thought about accompanying anyone to a hair appointment, but the instant she said it I wanted to go. I love her so much that if it is important to her, it is important to me. I got very excited about going with her to get her hair colored when I got back to town.

But then she called me, telling me that she had already gotten it done. No big deal I figured. While I would have loved to have been there, I understand she was eager and I couldn't wait to see it.

Then, as my week on the road was coming to an end, we had planned to see each other Friday on my way back home. We were both excited to know that we would soon be in each other's arms, or maybe me at her feet. But on my trip back, I had a period of time where I was busy and/or in bad cell coverage areas. So when Mistress was trying to contact me, I couldn't respond. No big deal I thought, as soon as I was able, I would call her and tell her I was almost there.

Well, no such luck. She had been wanting to go shopping, and with me being out of pocket, it left her hanging. So she went ahead and went shopping. When I called her and learned that fact, I was actually a little hurt. I didn't say anything, but secretly felt (the boyfriend part of me) that if she had wanted to see me as bad as I did her, that she would have at least waited till we talked. But again, no big deal. I totally understood. Besides, it wasn't right of me to leave her hanging.

Then, that evening, she was going to a party and I had to be home with my family. I would have given anything to be by her side. So we kept in close communication via text messages. I love every single time my phone indicates that I have a new text message, because it is usually my wonderful Mistress.

So the night went on, and then I got a text message from her telling me that she was at a tattoo parlor and about to get a tattoo on her foot. Now, while I loved that idea (as her footslave) I was kinda caught off guard and a little hurt by now. I thought, why wouldn't she want me there and wait till I could be. I mean, certainly she could wait and go back with me the following week. I begged her to wait, but to no avail. Now, in fairness to her, she was trying to do something sweet for me, and had no idea that this was now the third time I had been "hurt" like that. I kept pleading for her to wait. We texted back and forth until I finally texted the word, "whatever."

I didn't mean it to be mean as much as just to give up on convincing her to wait. I knew she was going to get it anyway. And I did like the idea of it. (By the way, it is beautiful)

We didn't really have a fight as much as a misunderstanding, but it was quickly talked and fixed the next day. We both felt better about the other person's intent.

But the more I thought about saying "whatever" to her, the more I realized how out of line I was. I was acting like a hurt boyfriend. And my boyfriend status is not a right, it is a privelege. She allows me to be her boyfriend, but can take that away at any time. At the root of our relationship, I am a slave....a lowly footslave. And I am her personal property. To do with as she pleases. And above all, I am to obey and honor her and put her desires above my own.

I had failed her. I had disrespected her. So I called and confessed my feelings to her. I love her too much to get away with any behavior like that. My greatest desire in this world is to obey her. I love her so much.

So here I sit, it is now Tuesday of the following week. My punishment is that I am not to touch myself for a whole week. It is becoming increasingly difficult. But I will do it. I am not like these other so called "slaves" that require a cage or a lock to keep then in chastity. My lock is my devotion. If she says she wishes me not to touch myself, then I wouldn't dare dream of doing it. I am a slave in the truest since of the word. And I don't say that being cocky. I say it in humble adoration of my owner, my sweet wonderful Mistress. I still say she is being way too merciful and that I deserve the whip. I don't want the whip as far as the pain from the lash, but I do want it to show her how much I regret saying "whatever" to her. I just pray she decides to whip my back to show me my place.

My First Taste of the Lash

Before I went out of town this week, My Mistress took the whip to my back for the first time. To the left is the exact type of whip she used.

Now I have been a slave off and on for around 14 years, so I have had my fair share of whippings. But I honestly think this past whipping, brief as it was, had more of an impact on me than any other whipping. It has left me with this constant longing to throw myself at my Mistress' feet and proclaim my devotion to her.

We were kissing and locked in an embrace, whispering in each other's ears, when all of a sudden she whispered something in mine. "You need to take your shirt off," she told me with a calm but commanding tone. I knew this was the first time for her to use the whip like this and I was much more worried about her than myself. I removed my shirt and turned face down on the bed, hands above my head grabbing onto the mattress. That moment, the moment as a slave where your flesh is exposed and your owner is standing over you, whip in hand, that is a moment like no other. I wondered if she had it in her. I wondered if she would get addicted she would love beating me so much. I wondered if this would allow her to get some stress and/or anger out from other areas in her life. And most of all I wondered how hard she was going to stripe me with the whip. That first lash tells so much. It more times than not, gives a slave an indication of just how severe his owner will be with him.

So there I was, in that moment before the first lash. You could just barely hear the whip whistle thru the air before it cracked onto my flesh and I jerked in predictable fashion. I gasped in incredible pain and moaned. My Mistress had surprised me with just how hard she was willing to beat me. I didn't like the pain at all, but absolutely loved the fact she was enjoying it and learning and growing. The vanilla side of her came to my side and I think even apologized, but I assured her not to stop on my account. That as her slave, this was my job to take the whip for her. And even though there were only 5 more lashes, it was the most intense moment of my slavery to her so far. I was bonded to her for life.

After the whipping, I was told to worship her feet. And I have to tell you, I was completely humbled by that time. Her feet had been in sweaty hot shoes all morning with no socks, but without hesitation, I eagerly began sucking her toes and worshipping her feet as her humble slave. I love her. She is the most wonderful part of my life....

And all week long, those lashes have kept me mindful of both her and the fact that I am once again, an owned slave....

So Let's Start This Blog...

Wow, where do I start? I have so much to say. My Mistress/Owner recently started a blog entitled, "Reflections of a Mistress," and it has inspired me to start this blog so I can share what it is like being a footslave to her. She is the most beautiful, sexy, wonderful woman I have ever met and I love her very much. As a slave, that is something I never thought would be possible. I had convinced myself that if I ever did find the right Mistress, I would be nothing more than a footslave to her. And oh how wrong I was. My Mistress and I fell hard for each other and in a very short time have become so in love. But that doesn't mean I forget my lowly status in life. I am still a slave first and foremost and she is great at humbling me when needed. Just being told to lick her feet clean is a command that I obey without hesitation. I long to do it for her because I adore her.

I have been into the bdsm lifestyle since my college days back in 1995. I am going to use this blog for two things. First to share with you many of my past experiences as a slave and to share things with you, many of which I have never spoken of. And the other reason, and primary reason, will be to talk about my current enslavement to my wonderful owner.

So there you have it, what this blog is going to be about. Some posts will be short, others long. But they will all give you a window into the mind of a footslave. So stay tuned folks, it is going to be a wild ride, that's for sure.